Change

The rules are always different. But the outcome is always the same. But what must a man do when he finds that he is the only one following rules and bending his ways while the rest of them take advantage? That’s pretty much what’s going on these days.
This has always been the case when it comes to me at least. I always end up being the one picking up the slack, always end up being the one trying to make things better, always the one who has to fight for something, always the one who has to submit, always the one who has to be understanding and reasonable. And while others make merry and turn a blind eye, I end up fretting; wondering when will all this come to an end. Wondering when this all becomes worth it. Wondering when all this starts to make sense again. Wondering if any of this was what i really wanted.
I have become old and I have aged slowly but  surely. I am no longer a man with infinite endurance. I used to be proud to be a survivor, but now I am wondering if I should’ve let go a long time ago; if I should’ve stopped and taken an alternate route. Somewhere far away from all this anger and frustration.
The demons in the real world and those I have nurtured in my mind have made it harder and harder to breathe. I find myself exhausted physically and mentally. Not a day goes by wondering what might have been if things had just fallen in place like they usually do in my head.
Changes will be made. I can no longer be a door mat. That ends now. No longer will people be able to force their will upon me. No longer will I be taken for granted. No longer will I be a slave to someone else’s prerogatives. I am my own man and I answer to no one, I pray to no one and I bow down to no one. This is the last time this happens and I’ll be damned if I let it happen again. Because I deserve happiness. I deserve sunny skies and peace in my life. I am a good person. And the world is done taking advantage of me.

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One thought on “Change

  1. Do let me know how things go. It is best when we hind our core being and answer to that. Here is a story that relates to this even though it appears to come from another angle.

    THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE?

    There was once a man who decided, in order to give structure and purpose to his life, that he would try to find himself. To this end he devoted the whole of his available time and energy. He read many books, attended courses and seminars of all kinds and travelled many miles to sit at the feet of great teachers and learned men. Eventually he grew old and died and ascended to heaven. Like every new arrival, he was called for an audience with God, who enquired of him whether he had been successful in his quest.

    “Not really,” replied the man ruefully.

    “Well,” said God, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you another shot. This time, see if you can work out who’s doing the looking.”

    https://bookofguff.wordpress.com/2011/07/07/the-truth-is-out-there/

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