Karvachauth.

As a man who enjoys driving, I welcome open roads with open arms. Sadly a city like New Delhi fails to indulge me with great vehemence when it comes to this. It guarantees a path peppered with road raged truckers, blind cab drivers, clingy auto walas, daredevil bikers and death-wish pedestrians. Not to forget cattle. Yes, them cows need space too.

It was a welcome surprise however, tonight when I set out behind the wheel. Expecting things to be worse as i intended the join the slow ageing crawl towards central delhi from the depths of hell in the city of Noida. Two fair maidens joined me and my surprise to find the city streets virtually empty during rush hour. I feared maybe the prophesy of Dante’s inferno had come to life. But that wasn’t the case. Sadly.

A dozen or more flashing lights from parked cars on either side of the flyover. Tiny candle flames swaying in the wind, struggling to stay alive. Women dressed like bridal shop mannequins holding a small plate with sweets and fruits and some other crap on it. And men standing around in front of them. Can’t comment here. I dont really know how a man feels when he sees the woman he loves go through all this trouble for him. Personally, i would feel like i didn’t earn all this love and sacrifice. It’s an odd sensation when i think about it. While you’re allowed to do whatever the hell you want all day, the woman must continue her duties as usual AND not eat or drink anything from before sunrise till the moon rises. I mean what the hell kinda sexist nonsense is that? But while i was busy making a face at all the couples indulging in their little erotic pooja, i understood why i had open roads today. All the men where back inside their houses with the wives or they faced hell’s wrath if they were late. Which brings me to the question – does that mean that on every other day of they year, men are just driving around neglecting their wives? is that why we have so much traffic in Delhi?

I think it’s time to send Mr Kejriwal an important message to solve this problem once and for all. Forget even odd days for driving cars. Make even odd days for keeping fast and having Karvachauth every single day in every single household. People should rush back home to their spouses and break fasts every day and clear the damn roads for those who actually need it to get around and find dates before it is too late. The husbands can take odd days to keep fasts and the women can take even days. Yes i know most months have 31 days so you can be a gentleman and keep a fast for one more day than your wife. Chivalry.

The benefits of this system will be epic. Since married couples will be bound by law to keep fast and return home after work to break them, there will be far less traffic. that equals lesser pollution. Not eating all day means India’s food reserves will shoot up and we can eradicate hunger from India and maybe even the world. This system may discourage blithering idiots from getting married and have ridiculous kids. That controls the population of the country and keeps it from going out of control. Im guessing you’ll be too tired to engage in intimacy anyway after keeping a fast all day so that helps as well. It’ll be a good way to curb the horniness of our country- starvation, in the name of love. I love it.

Karvachauth is a brilliant idea. Probably thought of by some ancient priest who got tired of waiting for his horse driven carriage to clear the daily traffic jam outside his ashram. Sends a clear message. Send them home and guilt them into returning home early. I think it’s excellent. It solves multiple problems at the same time. Pollution, population, obesity, hunger, traffic every thing can be solved by karvachauth. The answer we have been looking for was given to us ages ago by an unknown unsung hero lost in the pages of history. So keep a fast, and keep it now. Fast for a better tomorrow. Fast for a better life for the rest of us who don’t.

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