La La Land

The music creeping out of that glass window snuck up on me from nowhere. in an instant i knew it was a reminder of a time long forgotten. A time so long ago, it felt like a different lifetime. It was as if that life had once again risen from the dead to come and stand in front of me. Those were happier times. Even though i am happy now and i have become what i wanted to be, there’s an emptiness inside. And i suppose in that moment, that music flowed into that void and made me whole again. it took me back to a time when i was happy in a very different sense of the word compared to now.

i walked inside not knowing what to expect and there he stood. our eyes met and that opened up a door i had closed long ago. I felt proud that he had become what he wanted to be and that our separation was fruitful after all. i felt guilty that i had run along my own course and left him far behind, only to be resurrected by the haunting music tickled by his fingers and cast into the open air to come find me. i felt the love again that poured out for him from inside me. i felt that happiness i felt every time i saw him. It was all of those things. I could see him tormented by the same thoughts as mine, struggling to breathe or put two sentences together.

he sat down in front of that grand piano where he worked his magic so many times. His fingers glided over the keys, possessed and hypnotised by their master. And out came that haunting music again that dug that knife deeper within the depths of my heart. I got up to leave after he had finished playing while i tortured myself in my own prison. Our eyes met one last time while i was at the door. And in that moment i knew our lives could’ve been different. we wouldn’t be the people were were now but we would be happier in our own little world. we set out to reach for the stars and left each other behind. And what remained now was a silent stare in a crowded room smelling of scotch and smoke.

He smiled and nodded his head at me. I smiled back, holding back my tears. I walked inside a movie star and walked out a broken woman soaked in misery. And i knew that somewhere inside that room was a man sharing the same misery i was in.

Refresh. 

It was a day well spent. Everyone was present. Friends, family, distant relatives you name it. Everyone asked how she was doing and what her future plans were now that she had reached that age. It seemed like that’s all people asked her these days. Superficial necessities she would call them. Not a minute of anything meaningful but still, a smile had to pasted on for the entire day. Dozens and dozens of pictures were taken. All possible angles with every possible background. 

Back at home however, the fangs came out. She had uploaded every single picture and not one of them had liked or commented on them. She sat in her dark room with her hair a jumbled mess. Every now and then she would tug at them as the hours went by and no one bothered to appreciate her. Her eyes turned red and her nails grew out. Her skin turned pale and she sat in restless anger tapping the refresh button as the clock ticked on. She spent the rest of the night liking all of her pictures one by one. The fangs and the claws retreated slowly with every click. Her hair smoothed down again. And slowly she shut her eyes and fell asleep. Her finger still coiled on hitting refresh. 

Fear me. 

I want you to be afraid. I want to taste your fear and smell it in the air from miles away. I want to be that voice in your head that scares you. I want you to quiver when you think of me. And even when you don’t see me, I want you to be afraid of that fact that I could be around. I could be that rustle of leaves or that shadow in the dark. I could be that echo, I could be that unfamiliar sound. I could be that strange bright light, I could be that whisper in the dark. 

I want you to be afraid of me. I want to lurk in corners and dark alleys. I want you to fear me because this is what it has come to now. And when the time is right, I will silently pull you out of the light and into the darkness where no one can hear your muffled screams. I want you to make a mistake. I want you to do it in front of me. I will take my time with my selection of torture. It will be pure and you won’t feel a thing. And then you will. Oh, how you will scream and shout in bewilderment. 

I want you to fear me. I want you to know I exist and I am coming for you.